


... And They Were Roommates

by alextheghostdrummer



Series: Malex College AU [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bickering, Boys Kissing, Child Neglect, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jesse Manes is His Own Warning, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, POV Alex Manes, Unreliable Narrator, aka Boys Being Clowns, aka smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:10:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26180125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alextheghostdrummer/pseuds/alextheghostdrummer
Summary: what if Michael never came back to Roswell? what if he had been placed in Albuquerque instead? what if he never met Isobel or Max?what if he had gone to UNM and was Alex's roommate?
Relationships: Michael Guerin & Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Malex College AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901203
Comments: 14
Kudos: 86
Collections: Home in your arms





	... And They Were Roommates

**Author's Note:**

> SO, this AU was taking so much space in brain, rent free (!!!), i had to write this  
> i still don't know if I want Michael to be human or not... we'll see   
> hopefully i did them both justice
> 
> TW: mentions of both of the boys childhood, references of violent and neglectful upbringings, alex is an unreliable narrator and my second attempt on writing smut
> 
> if i forgot any tags pls let me know

The pleasant gush of wind followed Alex to the inside of the hall and as he was about to awkwardly close the door the blinding New Mexico sun highlighted him, blood orange sun shined, the dusk sky looming. Albuquerque was beautiful during the summer.

The eighteen year-old was early, technically speaking, moving into his dorm since classes would only start in a few days but he was eager to leave his childhood house and everything related to it, well, his family. He could’ve waited a few more days before heading to the UNM campus since he spent the previous week living in a hostel while working his new job at the stupid bagel shop of all places. Truthfully, he should be thankful Arturo, Liz and Rosa’s father scored this job for him, who knew a Mexican chef and business owner from a small town could have a network of fellow business-owners that stretched out of plain old racist Roswell. The milkshakes and pastry were heaven-sent so that might be why the bagel shop owner felt the need to visit The Crashdown and keep in touch with the man, and even accepting his recommendation to hire a punk high-school graduate such as Alex himself. 

Regardless, Alex was never a lucky man, by any sorts, though this last month proved to be an ordeal, he was still alive, had a job and pretty soon a steady roof over his head. Those three things were more than he’d ever bargained for. In fact, he was pretty sure his body would be 6 six feet under the sterile desert for his father was barely below the rim of a fury attack. He was attacked, obviously, given the Master Sargent’s long history with child abuse, wasn’t the first time he was beaten black and blue. He wasn’t counting on his father to slacken and allow him to leave. He expected to be called every name under the sun and be deemed no longer a “Manes man”, not that he was ever close to be considered for that titled, which he never was, matter-of-factly. For an unyielding type of man, Jesse Manes sure knew how to be dramatic. He didn’t expect to be allowed to thirty seconds to gather his belongings and be politely (as polite as a “Manes man” could be) be kicked to the curb. Then, Jim Valenti, of all people, took him in and even drove him to Albuquerque. Never in his life Alex would have thought that the years of abuse under his father’s hands would have ever sparked such amount of sympathy from this one man. Then, again, sheriff Valenti was helpless to free Alex from his living situation, powerless even to process a child-abuse accusation. Jesse Manes was a respected member of society; a respect sustained by the pillars of being a white and a man in the Air Force, nothing more. Jim Valenti was impotent and Alex was doomed. Or so he thought.

Now he was taking the elevator with two boxes of his stuff, even though he left Roswell with one, eager to be able to organize his new home however he damn well pleases, at least on his share of the dorm room. His arms are sore and the hairs on his body are prickling once the chilly evening forecast settled in; he was eager to take a warm shower and make his bed, looking forward to be in solitude.

Except he wasn’t alone. As he nudged the ajar door of his dorm he noticed a figure moving in the shadows. He then turned on the lights and, his supposed roommate who had his back to him snapped his head over his shoulder.

“Hi”, said the curly haired boy with golden eyes

“Uh, hi. Uh, is this 214?”, he asked dumbly

“Yeah. Guess I’m your roommate. I’m Michael”, he extended his hand for Alex to shake, but Alex just shrugged, tilting his chin to indicate his very much busy hands.

“Right… and you are?”, Michael asked

“Alex”

“Cool… Alex”, he tested Alex’s name on his tongue, “Uhm, I hope you don’t mind, I took the liberty of choosing my side. Very hard decision though, left or right side”

“I see, well”, he said moving his boxes onto the bed on Michael’s opposite side, “Such a shame, I like the left”, he joked  
Michael giggled and Alex’s heart skipped a beat. So much for minding his own business and not getting involved in anything particularly dramatic.

“If you prefer to be on this side I don’t mind-“

“It’s fine, I’m kidding”, Alex interrupted, “Thank you though” 

Michael simply nodded and said: “Sure”, as he scratched his nape self-consciously, “So… why are you here early?”

“Family sucks”, well his dad did suck, his brothers were tolerable most of the time, not that they were around as of lately. Followed his father’s footsteps and as always, left Alex to do the arduous work of being the family’s   
disgrace all by himself. 

Michael shrugged almost immediately: “Mine too” 

Huh, Alex thought. 

“Parents suck I guess”, the other boy stated as he threw a single empty box under his bed

“My dad sucks. My brothers are… eh”, he gestured with both hands in the air, palms facing up

Michael nodded in concurrence

“I don’t have any siblings. Not that I know of anyways. I’m adopted. Sucks that all this time in foster care and I never found a single okay parent”, he paused, “It’s almost as if they all sucked”, he concluded

Alex wanted to hear more, suddenly captivated by this boy’s story who seemed to have been neglected by the world just as much as he had.

“Well, Michael”, Alex replied, “For what it’s worth? I think you and I are goin’ to get along just fine”

Michael just smiled at him, and he returned the favor with a smile of his own, feeling positive for once in his miserable existence.

* * *

As night settled, Alex was returning room from work on a Friday (yes, Friday, much to his dismay), shuffling inside for his pockets for the dorm’s key. Once he found it he was quick to unlock it. The room was poorly lit, Michael’s desk lamp on the floor, highlighting the book in his hand, his disheveled curls glowing and his smile… Alex suddenly broke that train of thought, not letting get too far ahead.

“Oh my God, you have got to be the lamest college kid to have ever roamed the Earth. What are doing in your dorm on a Friday night?”, 

Michael snorted: “Well I could ask you the same thing, ya know?”, he put a marker on his book and closed it 

“Uh, hello? I just came back from work?”, he threw his keys on his desk, plunging his body onto his mattress, “I’m exhausted. What’s your excuse?”

“Guess I’m not the party type”, the boy stated

Alex moved his body so he could face Michael with his narrowed eyes

“Fine”, he admitted defeat, “I wasn’t in the mood, ok? I was kind of looking forward to spent the evening with my friend”

“Aw”, Alex cooed and plopped to the ground facing Michael, “That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me”

“Not true!”, his voice laced with mocked offense

Alex relented his mockery to point out: “Hey, is that the book I gave you?”, he lifted his head to peer

“Yeah”, Michael showed him the cover, “I like it a lot”

“Can’t believe you had never read Edgar Allan Poe in your life. You’re such a heathen. His stories are great tough”

“Of course the dark emo kid had to have a thing for the scary writers”, he kicked Alex playfully, or attempted to

Michael continued: “Not like my foster parents were well-versed in English literature”

Alex felt the urge to take back what he said but Michael seemed like he wanted to keep talking, so Alex silenced his apologetic tongue and listened keenly. 

“Uhm, there was a violent drunk in Santa Fe, after that, there was a couple of meth addicts and finally,”, he said bitterly, “a couple of neglectful fucks in Albuquerque who just wanted the money”

“Michael”, he suddenly found himself reaching for him but shied away, “That’s sucks, I’m sorry”

Michael shrugged: “Humans, man”, he stated

“Yeah, they suck”, Alex replied and the other boy nodded and laughed

“You’re cool”, Michael countered 

“You too”, he said, moving to stand up, wincing as his body ached, the ground was unforgiving, “Speaking of which. I’m willing to share my weird alien looking bagel with you”, he grabbed the brown bag he left over his desk

Michael was about to protest, stating that he wanted nothing to do with alien-looking bagels but before he could, Alex split the purple dotted monstrosity in half and offered him and he took it reluctantly.

“It’s blueberry flavored”, Alex then started to munch on his half so Michael felt compelled to do the same

As soon as he bit into his sweet treat his eyes widened

“Good, right?”

Michael only hummed in concurrence 

“Did none of the social workers do anything?”, Alex queried

Michael swallowed his mouthful of his treat and replied: “I mean, yeah, at first. Then the cops came around and I was back at foster care”, he wiped some crumbs at the corner of his mouth and continued, “But being in the group home wasn’t nice either. It was bad. So I started to lie to the social workers once I got adopted, whenever they’d visit. Sometimes it’d only be omission. But eventually I had to lie. It was just that the meth-heads weren’t good at it, at faking. And when they got arrested I was back at the group home again. I was ten when I was placed in Albuquerque. As soon as I turned 18 I got the fuck out”, he smiled, all cocky and condescending, but Alex could always through his facade. It hurt him to talk about this.

His roommate’s vulnerability inspired the desire to be brave from him. Sharing.

“When my mom left it was hard. I had to be like six when that happened. That’s when my dad changed. He wasn’t nice before; I don’t remember him ever being affectionate to me or any of my brothers, or even praising us for anything for that matter. But when mom left he became colder. He’d rarely scream at us; he didn’t usually lose his temper. He just had a blank face most of the time. But he was cruel, he was always cruel. Screaming or not. He had us doing survival stuff as a fun activity so”, Alex shrugged”, “And his punishments have always painted that picture. There were times I’d much rather take a beating than his constant threats, always breathing down my neck, saying shit that made me rethink everything I’ve ever done in my life. Always looking down on me. He’d do that for weeks on end. Like he’d get off on watching us get increasingly paranoid. Said it was to make us strong”, he laughed darkly, “To make us real men”. 

“And you never told anyone?”, Michael asked, his tone gentle

“Not really, what would I tell them? That my dad was playing mind games with his sons? Abusing them mentally? Doesn’t sound like an accusation I could’ve supported, not when I was the youngest and all my brothers were terrified of him”

“But he beat you, right? That counts as physical proof”

“Yeah but he did that because he thought he could beat the gay out of me. Even if he wasn’t best friends with the sheriff”, at that statement Michael grimaced audibly, “It was bad enough I got bullied all through high-school because I was queer, to come out to a whole town? Like I was 12 when the beatings started, I couldn’t have possibly survived it being the town’s gossip, not with the amount of hate crime that happens over there. And if he didn’t get arrested…”, he trailed off not wanting to imagine what his father would’ve done in case he wasn’t convicted 

Michael looked a bit dumbfounded but quickly changed his expression into an understanding one and stated:

“Humans suck”

* * *

Alex reminisced now confessing to Michael that he thought they were going to get along. Currently he isn’t so sure. There were two things he had not anticipated: the first was Michael’s chaotic hurricane energy and the other one was finals weeks. 

As he sat in his own bed, writing some lyrics for the song he had started writing a week ago, looking for some distraction as he took a break from his Composition assignment and worked on his own stuff. It was close to five o’clock, which meant the sky was falling rapidly into darkness. Only two orange lights illuminating the room, one on Alex night-stand and the other on Michael’s desk. The ambience as it was could’ve easily lure him to sleep. Except for the infuriating tap-tap-tap of a pencil on a table, keeping him from solely focusing on his task. The sound of wood against wood seemingly growing louder. Alex glared and the wrong-doer, who was oblivious to his rage filled gaze and focused on, well, some mathematics or physics or whatever Michael's genious was in the mood for.

“Would you please stop?”, that seemed to get Michael’s attention, who turn his face with a glare of his own

“What, Alex? What in the fuck could I possibly be doing now to annoy you?”, he spat

“Of course you’re oblivious to it. The fucking tapping? It’s driving me insane”

You see, Alex Manes wasn’t usually an ill-natured person, in fact, most of the time he kept his cool and unbothered reputation intact. Though, an exhausted, anxious and mal-nourished Alex wasn’t cool or unbothered. Quite the opposite. 

“What doesn’t drive you insane these days…”, the curly haired boy muttered to himself returning to his studies

“What did you say now?”, Alex adjusted his posture, scooting towards the end of his bed, both feet on the ground, “I’m sorry, maybe I wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass if you, I don’t know? Weren’t such a pain yourself?”, he shouted

“How am I possibly a pain in the ass?”, Michael said as he moved in his rotatable chair to face Alex

“Oh I don’t know? How about the fact that the floor and every surface on this room are always covered with engineering, physics and fucking math books, fucking sheets of paper filled with equations and your fucking underwear?”

“The underwear thing happened once! And I’ll never hear the end of it, apparently”

“Or the fact that never, not once since you stepped foot in this room have you done the laundry and just assumed I have to do it?” 

“Oh okay-“

“Or the fact that you fucking snore?”, Alex knew he was pushing but God he was annoyed, very annoyed

“I do not!”, the other boy protested

“How would you know, huh? It’s not like you can hear yourself when you’re sleeping or like ever for that matter”, he pointed out

“Not my fault you’re a goddamn insomniac!” 

For some reason Michael’s words stirred something inside him. His counselor would probably call it a trigger or at least the beginning of one. Alex wasn’t a person that shared, he wasn’t a person that opened up but for some reason he trusted Michael enough to talk about some things about his traumatic life. He never detailed much, only gave away what he was ready to talk about. It helped that his roommate seemed to be as traumatized as he is, from what he had gathered. Alex mentioned the bullying in high-school, which Michael sympathized but in a different way, not in “I was a known queer in a small town” kind of way but it was good enough. He mentioned being raised by a racist misogynistic homophobic military asshole and having three brothers but always being the odd one out. He mentioned his father’s likings of taking a traditional and physical approach to educating him. And he mentioned he sometimes had nightmares, and definitely mentioned sleepless nights, lying awake and watching the night sky break into dawn. Thus, at the moment, he felt the sting of betrayal.

“I need some air”, Alex said as he gathered his phone and headphones and rushed out of the room. He felt his breath shorten and his pace quicken as he searched for a quiet space. Outside he found himself close to one of the artificial lakes and spotted an empty bench. With almost no one around, since the temperatures were rapidly dropping, Alex was alone and he could breathe, despite feeling almost as breathing was inhaling tiny shards of glass, at least he wasn’t having a panic attack.

Once the adrenaline subsided he felt cold, the biting air cursing his not appropriately-dressed-for-the-winter body. He stretched the fabric of his black sweater over his hands, breathing warm air onto them. His punk-self realized he was blasting his metal tunes way too loudly, his phone randomly picking up songs from his music app, he wasn’t listening to any of them, not intently anyways, music sometimes served as background noise to distract him from his thoughts, the bad ones. As bizarre as one may find it, angsty punk rock could be soothing, at least to Alex Manes.

Begrudgingly, he stood up and jogged around for a bit seeking warmth. After a couple of minutes, he realized he was being a fool and decided to head in. He climbed the stairs and ran to his room. He needed a shower, hot water splashing his body, searing if possible, and comfortable clothes. A warm blanket too. 

As soon as he yanked the door and slammed it he noticed a startled Michael pacing. Alex then went to hid drawers and fished the most adequate pieces of clothing he could find and closed it with a loud thud. He heard Michael calling his name but he couldn’t deal with this right now, he feared his body might be going into a hypothermia shock. He ran to the communal bathroom, praying to whoever might have been listening to make any lines disappear. Thankfully, it was empty, therefore Alex took his sweet time. At last, he left the bathroom, meeting an unamused queue of at least three people. Ops.

Taking a gentler approach in opening the door this time, he turned the knob gently, only to find Michael the exact place he found him 15 minutes earlier. He wondered if the boy moved at all.

“Hey”, Alex said 

“Alex”, he breathed, visibly distressed, “I- I thought you had left”

“And where would I go”, he replied as he sat down on his own bed, “Sleep on the streets? Even I am not that dramatic of an emo. Make an Avril Lavigne ‘Nobody’s Home’ reenactment?”

Michael mustered a faint smile and Alex thought not for the first time that his friend cared more about him than he gave him credit for. 

“Listen, Alex, I’m s-“

Alex interrupted him: “It’s okay”, he gave him a small smile, “I overreacted-“

“No”, Michael shook his head, “no, what I said was over the line, but I swear I didn’t mean it, I promise”, the curly-haired boy pleaded

“Michael”, Alex moved his body forward, as to get closer to Michael, who sat on his bed, “It’s okay. I’m sorry too”, he apologized and that earned a genuine smile from Michael.

Feeling better with their resolution, Alex lied down, burying himself under his warm black blankets and turned to the wall. 

“Avril Lavigne? Really?”

“Shut up”, Alex laughed

* * *

“Ugh”, Michael voiced as he collapsed onto his bed

Alex laughed: “Thought you’d be happier that Finals Week is over”

“I’m thrilled”, he replied, though his features expressed anything but 

Alex sat at the edge of Michael’s bed, staring at the other boy looked at the ceiling, one leg bent and the other stretched. Alex nudged his knee

“Oh c’mon, talk to me”

“It’s nothing”, the curly-haired boy answered

“Try again”, Alex prodded 

Michael scoffed, his eyes glued to the ceiling as he spoke: “Fine. It’s just that with the Holiday’s coming up I don’t have anywhere to go. I didn’t want to leave but I’m pretty sure school’s gonna be closed a whole week”

Alex nodded, tried to think of something that’d bring his roommate some comfort. The as a cartoon moment, an idea illuminated his mind.

“What about a road trip?”

Michael snorted as a response although, once he noticed Alex focused features he answered, eyes wide: “I just got a job Alex. I can’t afford to go on a road trip”

“Okay, so not a full on road trip, but we could stay at the hostel and whenever we have a day off we could drive somewhere. You have a truck right?”, his brain was on fire as multiple ideas emerged 

“We?”, his roommate queried as he moved his body to a seated position

Then, he realized all his plans for Michael included himself and perhaps the other boy didn’t feel the same level of intimacy that he felt. Perhaps he wasn’t in a quest for company, just simple plans.

“Oh, sorry. I wasn’t planning on going home either, I-“, he felt his cheeks burning, “I don’t really know what I was thinking”

“No!”, Michael said loudly, “I mean it’s fine, I’d love to have company. It’d be awesome if you’d tag along” 

“Really?”, Alex asked, his tone was in the vicinity of incredulity 

“Yeah”, he answered simply and smiling brightly

“Okay”, he acquiesced, “How much money have you saved?” 

Hours were spent on making on planning a possible road trip, discussions of logistics and a wish-list. The near future looked promising. After being satisfied with the few arrangements they talked about, Alex stood up, ready to find something to snack on when he spotted one of Michael’s books lying on the floor, as if it was adequately disposed, so he took it upon himself to teach him a lesson. Crouched down, he took the book in his hands and asked: 

“Remember what I said the last week? About you leaving your shit all around the room?”

Sprawled on his bed, both hands pillowed under his head, Michael replied:

“Yeah”, he tried to follow Alex with his eyes, as the other boy moved on the path of the faint sunlight coming from the single window, “Said you’d throw ‘em out of the window”. Once realization downed on him, Michael jumped out of his bed, stalking towards him with urgency:

“Alex, don’t-”

Then, there they stood, though the sun was nowhere to be seen the dim sunlight shone above them, pressed chest to chest, Alex finally noticed the slight height difference. What a thing to have noticed at the moment. While the Universe arrayed them in such a manner, Alex noticed the mere centimeters that separated his eyes and the bridge of Michael’s nose vertically. If Alex could see this arrangement from a different perspective, without being the one experiencing it, he’d find it comedic. But he wasn’t. He was ignorant to the passage of time; it might have stopped altogether as far as he was concerned. His heart felt like it would burst, all blinding lights but no noise: a silent firework. He could see Michael’s whiskey eyes, wide, searching his face. They were so tightly pressed he was sure his roommate could feel his heart slamming against his chest. Alex leaned in absent-mindedly.

Then it all came crashing when Michael immediately pulled away, all of the atmosphere’s pressure came down with an oppressing pressure, the weight of his choice suffocating him. The world somehow seemed harsher. Alex mumbled an apology and fled, fearing Michael’s rejection would turn into rage. 

Once he was outside of his room he felt at sea, so utterly lost and afraid of the consequences. He was in desperate need of a distraction. A snack, right, he remembered, despite not being hungry, he trudged towards, well anywhere that had food for that matter. Suddenly a beacon, his feet brought him to a Starbucks. 

The rest of the afternoon passed by like a blur. He looked at the clock, an hour, he’d been there for almost an hour. Alex couldn’t remember the last time he felt so adrift, so out of touch with his own body and the space that surrounded it. Then, he just didn’t want to remember. It’s painful enough as it is He got up and walked dejectedly to his dorm. Once he opened the door: darkness, wasn’t that fitting. Still, in spite of all the hollowness and fear, his melodramatics were put aside so he could see. 

Michael wasn’t there.

He sighed, felt too drained to strategize his repentance, for now he would settle for music and mindless scrolls through his social media.

Not sure how much time has flown by but eventually the door opens, though unbeknownst to Alex, who has headphones on, Michael Guerin comes in and walks determinedly but softly, perhaps not to startled his roommate.   
Finally, he sits before Alex, the boy just yanks his set from his head clumsily, and disposes of it on his nightstand.

“Michael, I’m s-“, unexpectedly his words are muffled by Michael’s mouth, and before he can make sense of what’s happening, thus kiss the boy back, he pulls away, his smile quirks up in a sweet smile and Alex can’t help but lunge forward capturing his lips.

What started as a retrieving kiss became filthy, all teeth and tongue, Alex dragged Michael by the collar of his sweatshirt over his body. They touched like their lives depended on it; like it was water to wanderer in the desert. Like it was air and they finally emerged. Alex hands traced the expanse of Michael’s back and feels him shiver under the touch. And Michael, nipped at his neck, licked it, bit. Alex cradles his face tenderly and looks at the boy he’s been in love from the moment he saw him and he wants to inhale him, he wants him in his bones, in his cells, forever multiplying. It’s the oddest feeling. Michael looks at him with an expression that can only be worthy of movie screens. It’s vulnerable in a way he hadn’t seen before. So he kisses him, languidly, savoring, this time, relishing in the way Michael’s breath hitches when he moves his hand to his chest. Then he takes one hand to his curls and pulls, Michael moans. It takes all of Alex resolve to not flip him over and give him sloppy lascivious head. But, they have more pressing issues at the moment:

“Have you ever done this before?”, he mutters, one hand in Michael cheek, and the other still stubbornly on his chest

“Yeah, but not like…”, he says half amused, half nervous 

“With a guy?”, Alex finishes breathlessly

Both snort breathless laughter

“There are condoms and lube inside the drawer”, he tilts his chin to his nightstand and Michael obliges, fumbling gracelessly until he retrieves both things. Alex can’t help but laugh at his eagerness. Guesses he wasn’t the only one simmering in sexual tension for months. 

Suddenly, he watched his friend’s (lover?) lustful expression turn into a self-conscious one

“Uh… I don’t-“

“It’s okay, Alex interrupts him, caressing his bicep,” I’m not like super experienced either but I’m guessing I’ve known about liking boys for longer?”

“Yeah”, Michael replies, still on top of him, touching his cheekbones so tenderly, makes his heart bloom like a cherry blossom in Spring

“Okay”, he started, Michael slid next to him, his body sideways, “Let’s start with the basics”, “Ever gave a dude head?”, the other boy shakes his head no, “Ever fingered yourself?”, Michael’s eyes became dark, drowning slowly in lust, he bit his lip and shook his head no. That was all the answer Alex needed. He sits up, yanks Michael’s body, lays him on his back and straddles him, knees connecting to hips.

“How do you feel about me being the top for your first time?”, he looks at Michael for any sign of discomfort, “Shit I know this is a bit forward but if you’re not into it-“

“Alex, I want this”, he replied both hands at the other boy’s hips, then he squeezed his thighs, urging him, grabbing his ass, pushing him slightly forward.

“Just tell me if something hurts, or you just don’t like it”

“Okay”, he answered while caressing Alex’s jaw

So Alex takes his t-shirt off, thanking whatever invisible force that only the lamp on his night-stand illuminating the room, because the way Michael fixed his gaze in all of his body makes him blush violently. He sure takes his sweet time sliding his palm on the exposed skin of Alex’s body. Their desire combined could fuel the entirety of Albuquerque during the daytime.

Urgency to have Michael’s body in his hands eats away his resolve, and before Michael can do anything, he takes the boy’s shirt off and kisses him hard. Only then he allows the other boy to unbutton his jeans and tug them. He gets up and shoves it down and quickly climbs back on top of him. Once both of them are mostly disrobed, with the exception of their underwear, Alex trails kisses from Michael’s ear lobe, to his neck, his nipples then placing an open mouth kiss to kiss to his belly button, savoring the way Michael was writhing in pleasure. He off his underwear and, after teasing his thighs, without warning, he swallowed Michael’s cock. Startled, his roommate moaned loudly and Alex put his finger’s in his mouth in his mouth and, immediately Michael sucked on them sloppy and eager. It made him stop on his tracks and watch him, licking the length of them, sucking; God he was a vision.  
Alex opened the lid of lube and retrieved his fingers and replaced them with his mouth, kissing him while stroking his cock. He pulled back and asked if he was ready and Michael nodded vehemently. He squirted a healthy amount and then some more, afraid he might hurt him. When he tried to coat his hole, Michael shuddered, a low grunt escaped his mouth and spread his legs wider, giving more access. So Alex teased it by touching but not pressing and was rewarded with a soft whine. No matter how hard he was, Alex couldn’t help but tease, he was having way too much fun. He pressed his forefinger slowly. And as Michael chased the feeling, thrusting against his finger, he added another one; starting slow then picking up the pace. After a few minutes, he decided to experiment scissoring and Michael gasped and grunted. Adjusting his hand and arching his fingers he hit the sweet spot, a string of curses filling the air.

“Alex, p-please”, he pleaded, eyes rolling back

Well, he didn’t need to tell him twice.

Subsequently he grabbed the condom pack and teared it open and… Oh, Michael was stroking Alex’s cock, the surprising contact making him shiver. Michael put his hand aside for Alex to slid the condom on his shaft; then he looked at his roommate for confirmation which was given effortlessly. When he lined his cock and pressed gently, a buzz of sensation emerged, both of them moaning helplessly. He just pushed slowly until he was fully inside. Face to face, Michael captured his mouth ravenously, biting his bottom lip hard, his body jolting forward; so he thrusted. Slow, uncertain. Nevertheless, Michael crossed his legs, keeping him in place, touching, grabbing, exploring, never braking the kiss. His hold on Alex’s hips was unwavering, bruising even.

“Harder, Alex”, he whispered in his ear, making all the hairs in his body prickle

He continued with slow thrusts for a few seconds, once he deemed enough, he thrusted faster, harder until both bodies were moving like tidal waves. And Michael, well, Michael was moaning and Alex shushed him with his lips until he couldn’t.

“A-Alex, I’m gonna…”, he never finished his sentence, instead he spilled all over himself, vicious grip on his roommate’s shoulder. Yep, there would be bruises showing up the next day. Ready to slide out, he put both hands on the mattress, around Michael, until the other boy squeezed his shoulder.

“You didn’t come”, he stated a little breathlessly

“It’s fine, I don’t need to-“

“C’mon, please, Alex”, he begged, threading finger through Alex’s hair

“Ok”, he obliged, “Just tell me if I hurt you, or anything”, he says, as if he was doing Michael a favor for chasing his own orgasm. And Michael, blissed out, just managed a nod. 

His friend (lover??) licked his neck, sucking on it ever so slightly, traced his jaw with his lips and tongue and slowly but surely Alex was losing his composure. He thrusted further and decided to lose himself in just fucking Michael, confident that the other boy would signal if he hurt or just didn’t like. He thrusted faster and faster, and Michael just encouraged him, biting his ear lobe, kissing him filthy even when Alex couldn’t muster the coordination to do it properly, drowning in pleasure as his orgasm took him by surprise, an elevation of ecstasy. Alex couldn’t do anything but collapse on top Michael, unbothered by the mess, now smeared, on both of their chests. 

“Wow”, Michael breathed out

And both of them chuckled, the vibrations were like tiny tickles of tenderness

Eventually, Alex managed to take his face from the crook of Michael’s neck, and faced him in awe, whilst Michael had a satisfied smile. Alex had such adoration for this one boy but stored it away from the surface, afraid of alarming his friend, of overwhelming him with all his feeling that were daunting and trespassed the limits of “just being friends”. But now, he was bewildered, his eyes agape as this one boy who seemed to be the most fascinating and the most beautiful creature he had ever seen and he could finally let it show. Amidst stroking his jaw and cheeks, Michael’s eyes were blown wide with something he couldn’t quite place.

“We should, uh, probably get cleaned up”, Alex whispered his suggestion

“Yeah”, Michael whispered back

So they did, they wetted a towel with water from their water bottles instead of making a trip to the bathroom because that just screamed we just fucked. Returning to their dorm, Alex went immediately to lie on his bed, hoping Michael would follow. He didn’t, instead he just sat on his own bed. Alex tried to hide his immense and overwhelming heartbreak and disappointment, he turned towards his wall and said simply his goodnights barely above a whisper 

“Goodnight, Alex”, he replied nonchalantly, turning off the lights, as if he hadn’t just ripped Alex’s heart out of his chest

After this rueful end of what started as a wanton night, Alex doubted he could get some shut-eye. He desperately tried to control his breathing and not to sob like the idiot he felt he was. Like the way he touched and, most of all, looked at this one boy just didn’t tell him everything. That he was Alex’s whole heart, and had been for months. Maybe he didn’t care. No, he told himself, Michael isn’t like that; he knows his roommate cares. Maybe it was all meant to be sex, nothing else. Just pleasure, no strings attached, not commitment and definitely not emotional ties. Maybe it was all that it was. It was okay, though, he was the fool for thinking Michael could ever feel the same way, it was not his friend’s fault. He just wished he knew before-hand. Maybe then his heart wouldn’t be in pieces. Maybe.

* * *

As the shy winter sunbeams streamed through the single window, Alex was startled awake. He arose in such a violent and swift manner, like he was avoiding falling asleep, like he was falling and just before he hit the ground he plopped out of unconsciousness. He looked around and was taken aback by the solemn silence. Probably early morning, then. So he just lied on his back, certain he wouldn’t fall back asleep and replayed the events of the previous evening on his head. Over and over. It was sweet and it was torture. But it was unavoidable. Alex wasn’t aware of what time it was, or how much time passed since he slipped into his treasured painful memories, but reasoned that he couldn’t stay in bed the whole day. He had to get up. 

So he did

He got dressed furtively so he wouldn’t awake Michael. He went through his morning routine and after that the soft noises of the living emerged. The soft hustle and bustle that resonated through the walls of places that were filled with people. The ins and outs of rooms and chatter. He decided he would have breakfast by himself since it was early and he didn’t want to disturb his roommate’s sleep. So he did.

And he came to his dorm to a still sleeping Michael. It was a Saturday; Michael was allowed to sleep past 9 AM. He was allowed to whatever he wanted, nevertheless, Alex wasn’t his keeper. Alex stopped in his tracks immediately. No, he wasn’t allowed to be bitter towards his friend. Michael didn’t lead him on, he just kissed him. He was the one who took his and Michael’s clothes off. It was on him. 

Alex sighed, and scrolled through his phone. His shift was in a few hours; he couldn’t think of one thing he could occupy his time with. He was an idle man and he didn’t want to be, regardless, he stood in place. 

It was half past ten when he heard his roommate stirred and yawned. Alex felt his body paralyze as the soft noises filled the air. His stillness was due to the lack of knowing the appropriate thing to say or do he just stilled. Michael turned to him, his dark blankets engulfing him except for his head.

“Good morning”, the floating curly head said 

Alex forced a polite smile and replied with a “Good morning”

“Are you okay?”, he asked softly

This boy never fails to surprise him; it took him half a beat to muster a “I’m fine. You?”

He just nodded and grunted as he stood up and stretched, popping some slightly dislodged bones.

“About last night-“, Michael started, and despite his best efforts, Alex couldn’t do it, he couldn’t have this conversation at the moment

“There’s nothing to talk about”, Alex tried to emphasize as politely as he could

“What?”, the other boy queried, face screwed in confusion and something else

“I mean it was just a fuck, right? No big deal”, he said, higher-pitched, a little maniacally 

Michael winced, as if he had been burnt: “Is that what it was to you?”

“Isn’t it what it was to you?”, he retorted

And Michael, the looks he gave was disheartening, as if he cut himself on one of the shards of Alex’s broken heart 

“Nice to know where you stand, Alex”, he said brokenly and stormed out of the room without changing his clothes, barefoot like a drifter away from home.

Alex sat there. His head was swirling. He had never been more confuse his life. Why was Michael hurt? Why did he look at him like he was the one who broke his heart? He only gave a voice to Michael’s thoughts, nothing more and nothing less. He grabbed his backpack and stuffed it with work essentials and his wallet, clearly he would have to have lunch by himself after this disastrous morning confrontation. Was it though? What is it a confrontation? He shook those thoughts from his head. He couldn’t deal with them right now. Instead, he just made his bed and as he picked up his backpack’s strap to put it over his shoulder, Michael stormed back in. 

“You know what? Fuck you”, he spat while fidgeting with his sweater like a madman, “Fuck you. First you kiss me then, you fuck me like that a- and, and then you look at me afterwards like that and now you say it was a   
meaningless fuck? That’s cruel”

Alex’s eyes suddenly were filled with unshed tears from the night before, his vision blurred: “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”, Michael whisper-shouted, eyes glassy, bluntly disheveling his curls, “Months, Alex. Months we’ve been doing this dance. Sneaking glances, smiling at each other, telling our life’s story to each other while snuggled up, spending all of our free time together and then what? You say you have a date- I’m like ‘okay’ confused as fuck but maybe I got everything wrong. Like I’ve been friends with people, I’m not a dumbass, it doesn’t look like what we have. But ok. And then after it doesn’t work out with your dude, it repeats. We are spending every godforsaken hour together. Then, you suggest we go on a road trip and you try to kiss me. You fuck me like you fucking mean it and now you say it didn’t mean anything?”

“What?”, Alex had been bombarded with information that was true, and simultaneously new information

“My God”, Michael brought his hands to his face, seemingly on the verge of a breakdown 

“You kissed me”, he said matter-of-factly, he pointed at the side of his bed, “right there. You kissed me and I took all of our clothes off and we fucked”, he paused, “but then you sat at your bed… I- I just thought… I thought that meant you didn’t want to be with me”, he shrugged a little helplessly, sat on his bed

Michael kneeled before him and it was then he noticed he was crying.

“That what you thought?”, searching his face, “You thought it didn’t mean anything because I didn’t lie with you, didn’t snuggle up close to you? You didn’t ask, Alex. I didn’t want to assume what you wanted”, he caressed his face gently, thumb stroking Alex’s jaw

“I-“, Alex let out a trembling breath, “I- I just wanted you”

Michael lunges forward and captures his lips in desperate kiss, cradling his face firmly, a gentle but insisting plea that Alex understands just how much he feels for him. So Alex kisses him like he means it, because he does and it means everything that Michael feels that way about him. 

After they part reluctantly, he sees his lover flutter his eyes open like he just woke up from a sweet dream and Alex decides right there he loves him. 

“I can’t believe you thought because I went in two dates with Jared, because he asked me out”, he emphasized, “I’m all of the sudden in love with him”, he laughed and sniffled

“Shut up”, Michael laughed as he brought his hands around Alex’s hips and buries his head in his lap.

And in that moment he wonders how did he ever miss the way Michael loves him back.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know your thoughts & feelings. feedback is always welcomed  
> thank you for reading!


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